Confidence vs Competence: What’s Really Holding You Back in Perinatal Support?

Last month, I attended a Girl Boss Soirée, where we were gathered to meet other women who are running their own businesses and create vision boards for the coming year. In conversation at our table, we talked about confidence. How it fluctuates with age, how certain scenarios can damage or increase our level of personal security and how what others perceive as confidence can be due to a mask that we wear. And of course, good old Imposter Syndrome.

Reflecting on this conversation at home, I realised that what other people perceive as confidence in me is merely competence. I consider myself to be an insecure person, always worried about doing the ‘right’ thing or upsetting people. But I am competent. As a relatively independent only child, with borderline-hippy parents, I have learned many survival skills and can do quite a few things quite well. But inside, I’m almost always flustered. My lifelong friends used to describe me as the archetypal swan, smooth on the surface, but paddling wildly under the water.

In perinatal work, we talk a lot about skills, training, and experience. We talk about holding space, informed choice, advocacy, and the deep emotional labour that comes with walking alongside families. But underneath all of that sits something quieter, more personal, and often more powerful than any qualification.

Confidence.

And its equally important counterpart:

Competence.

These two forces shape how we show up in our work - and sometimes, they get tangled. So today, I want to pose a gentle but important question:

Is your confidence affecting your competence… or is your competence affecting your confidence?

Let’s explore both sides of that coin.

When Low Confidence Masks Real Competence

This is more common than people admit.

You’ve trained.

You’ve read the books.

You’ve attended the workshops.

You’ve supported families in your community.

You know you have the heart for this work.

And yet… something holds you back.

Maybe it’s the fear of “not knowing enough.”

Maybe it’s the worry that someone else is more experienced, more qualified, more something.

Maybe it’s the pressure of stepping into a role that feels sacred and high‑stakes.

In perinatal support, where emotions run deep and outcomes matter, it’s easy to feel like you’re not ready - even when you absolutely are.

This is where confidence becomes the barrier, not competence.

You’re capable.

You’re prepared.

You’re committed to learning and growing.

But your insecurities whisper louder than your knowledge.

If this is you, the work isn’t about gaining more skills - it’s about trusting the ones you already have.

When Confidence Outpaces Competence

There’s another side to this conversation, and it’s just as important.

Sometimes, confidence can become a comfortable blanket - warm, reassuring, and a little too easy to hide under.

You’ve been doing this work for a while.

You know your way around birth rooms, feeding challenges, emotional support, and advocacy.

You’ve built a rhythm, a style, a sense of “I’ve got this.”

But perinatal work evolves.

Research shifts.

Best practice changes.

Communities raise new needs.

Lived experience teaches us things textbooks never covered.

If we stop reflecting, stop learning, stop checking in with ourselves, confidence can quietly slip into complacency.

And complacency is where competence begins to erode.

This isn’t about shame - it’s about awareness.

It’s about remembering that competence isn’t a fixed state; it’s a living, breathing practice.

So Which One Is Holding You Back?

Here’s the truth:

Both confidence and competence require tending.

Confidence needs nurturing - especially in a field where emotional labour is high and self‑doubt can creep in easily.

Competence needs refreshing - especially in a field where families deserve the most up‑to‑date, inclusive, evidence‑informed support.

The sweet spot is where the two meet:

• grounded confidence

• active competence

• humility

• curiosity

• self‑reflection

• and a willingness to grow

Perinatal support isn’t about being perfect.

It’s about being present, prepared, and self‑aware.

A Question to Sit With

As you move through your work - or as you consider stepping into it more fully - ask yourself:

"Is it my confidence that needs attention, or my competence?"

There’s no wrong answer.

Only an opportunity to grow.

And whichever side you land on, the fact that you’re asking the question at all is a sign of integrity, care, and deep commitment to the families you support.